What to do the night before you turn 25...

because you are a mess. That's right. A. Complete. Mess.

1. Clean your entire apartment. Until every. last. corner. is. spotless.
2. Call your best friend and cry.
3. Call your sister and cry.
4. Wish you had a bottle of wine all to yourself. Except you are too lazy to purchase said wine.
5. Pick out your outfit, make your lunch, and get coffee ready for the morning.
5. Paint your toe-nails Twisted Pink.
6. Attempt to read a book. Then a magazine. Then the news. Then give up on reading.
7. Watch Breakfast at Tiffany's. You personally prefer Sabrina, but you don't have that luxury right now.

Oh wait, it's midnight! Time to go celebrate with Ms. Hepburn!

Slacker

There are a list of things I wished to accomplish this summer. My summer is over in officially 3 weeks, and those things are definitely not going to get finished. Such as catching up on my goodreads.com yearly book goal (I am currently 32 books behind) or blogging regularly. Sigh. 

The upside: Two weeks from tomorrow, I am going on vacation. To a beach. Which is kind of my favorite. I also get to visit Philadelphia and New York City, two cities that I have never been too. And see at least two of my former City Year co-workers. The countdown begins. 

Chances are, I would rather read...

Let me give you some examples. These are the things that, instead of being/going there, I would rather read a book. 

Parties

Clubs

Weddings (shudder)

Holiday events

Bridal showers

Baby showers

Amusement Parks

Water parks (shudder...pretty much on par with weddings)

Any pool activities

Any sporting events 

Essentially, the list goes on and on. I go to these things typically out of obligation, and a driving need to be there to celebrate whatever is going on for the person I love. 

My point...I really love books. I love reading them, owning them, holding them (still totally creeped out by the kindle/nook thing). I always have a book in my bag, so when I am waiting or going on a break or whatever, I can just pull it out and read a few pages. It's comforting. For me, books are up there on the list of important things in my life. 

So is it any surprise that when I go to the laundry mat, I am going to bring a book with me while I am waiting for my clothes to wash/dry? And is it that much crazier that I would have/put earplugs in my ears, to drown out the very loud noise of the several televisions in the laundry mat? (Yes, I carry earplugs around. It's not that weird!) I was minding my own business. I was not being rude, or distasteful, or loud. I pleasantly put earplugs in my ears, so that I could concentrate enough to read my book. YET, I received several dirty looks from a man sitting across the room from me. And several shakes of his head. Like I was handing a saw to a five year old. 

I just smiled at him. Broadly. 

He looked away. 

I might be the nerd who carries around books and earplugs everywhere, but no one is going to make me feel bad about who I am. I like me.

Pitiful...

My little hiatus from blogging has come to an end. Unfortunately, I was not lounging around on a beach taking it easy for the 3 or so weeks that I have been absent. (Too bad). Typically, my life got real crazy in May, and something had to give (this). So now, the myriad of reasons. In list format. 

1. I started working full-time. This might not seem like a big deal, but I was attempting to successfully finish up the semester, so between that and 6:45am-9:30pm workdays (with a break in between), I WAS BEAT. And I am still trying to get over it. (This is where I give a huge shout-out to all of those working moms out there...because I cannot imagine the life I live with a kid added in. No thank you. Kudos to you:)

2. For any number of reasons, my intermittent migraines have come back with a vengeance. There was at least a whole week thrown in there of migraines. Ick. 

3. THE RACCOONS. The raccoons have been my ongoing drama for awhile now. I do not believe I have shared my raccoon story, which is, quite honestly, two parts soap opera and one part animal planet. In lieu of going into detail (that could take several posts), let's just say this: a mama raccoon climbed up to my roof (I live in the attic, so basically my walls), tore a hole through the shingles, made a nest in my walls, had three babies, and proceeded to torment me. How? My paranoia turned me into a crazy person. I couldn't sleep without thinking that I was going to wake up with a raccoon in my face, my cat dead, my apartment trashed, etc. After a few weeks of this, my landlord put a trap out, which caught two of the babies, and forced the mama raccoon to move her last baby away. (According to my neighbor, who claims he saw the mama and baby come down the fire escape). Moral of the story: I am nearly raccoon free (I hope), and can now sleep in peace.

Photo evidence, because how believable is this story??

I named this one Otis. He hissed at me. 

Actions and Reactions

This will be unpopular. But I feel like I have to speak up. (And I just can't help myself)


It has been almost 12 hours since President Obama's speech announcing the death of Osama Bin Laden. In that timespan, I have seen some of the most vulgar and ridiculous posts on the internet, ever. Yes, thousands of Americans (and others) died at the guidance of this one man. But I never condone more violence. Am I condemning the action of the military? No. What's done is done. But how Americans react is a whole different story. Our culture of death has permeated nearly every corner of this country, and the few people who do not believe it is ever okay to applaud violent death are too afraid to say something, knowing that they will be verbally attacked for their peaceful opinions. Hence, the list:


1. "Violence begets violence." Ultimately, we do not know what the aftershock will be. We have no idea how many more people will die, Americans and otherwise, because of this. History has taught us that nearly everything is cyclical, nations rise and fall, ideas become popular and unpopular, and when violence occurs, it tends to follow a chain reaction. You can say that it started on September 11, 2001, but the reality is that Al-Qaeda and so many nations, groups and people have been in this cycle of violence for decades, if not centuries. 


2. Revenge is just not my thing. When I say this, people tend to say something along the lines of "What if someone murdered someone you loved? Wouldn't you want that person dead?" Actually, I have lost a loved one to violent death. And no, I do not wish the person who did it dead. It is not my place to cast judgment on that person. I only wish that that person will be kept from hurting someone else's family, like mine was hurt. I do not, ever, condone or support capital punishment. Once again, it is a cycle of violence. And it sickens me. (And it will not bring my loved one back, so it is quite useless to have hate in my heart)


3. I never want to see the aftermath of violent death, natural death is difficult enough as it is. I have seen comments where people think he should have been hung, so that President Obama can "prove" he is dead. (Are we in the Jim Crow south? Since when do Americans still hang people?) Isn't it enough to know that he is dead, do we really have to leer over his remains like blood-thirsty vultures? It's disgusting. If that is patriotism, I want NO part of it. 


4. Naysayers. Of course, there are going to be the naysayers, who just can't possible fathom that what President Bush never accomplished, President Obama did in roughly 3 years. So let's just not believe him, or like #3, let's let all Americans "view" Bin Laden's corpse, hanging, with holes in his head. (How many people, before today, could really tell the difference between Osama Bin Laden and any other man of Middle Eastern descent? Few, if any. So why is it so important for you to see his body, already buried at sea, anyway?) 


While I am not sad that a bad man has left this world, never able to hurt innocent people again, I am shocked at how many people that I know personally, are reacting in a way that literally makes me sick. It's vulgar, disgusting, and sad. It shows how blood-thirsty Americans can be, how we only care about us, not the world. (I do not hold that opinion. I believe that people are people everywhere, and an American's life is NOT worth more than an African's, or an Iranians, or an Indian's.)


"Hate begets hate; violence begets violence; toughness begets a greater toughness. We must meet the forces of hate with the power of love..." - DR. MLK JR. (still relevant, even after all these years)

Food for thought...

I have a big presentation due on this topic next week...I still have not completely made up my mind about it.

http://www.app.com/article/CN/20110420/NJOPINION0102/304200008/More-choices-more-success?odyssey=nav|head

Enjoy...

Upswing

While the hell of last week is over, and all of my assignments/observations/

exams/weddings/plays are complete and/or attended, I have come to the realization that I STILL HAVE A TON TO DO. Especially now that I will be working full-time here in about a week. And finishing up this semester. And trying not to die of exhaustion. 

And sadly, other things are starting to suffer. Like the dishes I have not done in a week. Or the laundry that is strewn all over my car, waiting to go to the laundry mat. (GROSS)

BUT...we have cause to celebrate. Because today Julius is ONE year old!!! (Well, I know he was born sometime in April, so I chose April 15th because it is pretty much in the middle). I will be posting an official Julius Birthday Blog in a few days, when I get around to it...

Busy Bee

This week has been crazy. CRAZY.

Somehow, I managed to complete 11 observation hours, 2 exams, several shifts at the library, 1 job interview, classes, and the first yoga class (painful lovely) I have taken in over 6 months.

Let's just say that I do not know how people with kids can manage life. I can barely manage life and all I have to worry about is myself, a mean cat, and all of the crazy stuff that tends to come along (see above).

And now, I am packing and getting ready to leave for southern IL, where tonight I will go to my cousin's high school play, tomorrow I will go to a long-time friend's wedding (I have known her since I was 6), and Sunday I will go to another play with my lovely sister. I am already tired. Just from the prospect.

I do it every time...

Currently reading:

1. The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley - Retelling of the Camelot legend in the eyes of women. I like that it makes Morgan, his "evil" sister into a not-so-evil person. Kind of like the original Wicked. 800+ pages...oh my.

2. Djibouti by Elmore Leonard - Newest book by this one. Caught my eye because of the interesting cover. It's about modern-day pirates off the coast of Somalia...we see it all the time in the news but it becomes completely different when someone turns it into literature. The jury is still out...we'll see when I finish it.

3. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte - Trying to finally get through this before I see the new movie. I loved Emily's Wuthering Heights but Jane is just not my favorite, so far anyway.


Sometimes, I can get as many as 5 books going at once. I do not recommend this. It becomes difficult to decide which one to pick up. I just really need to finish at least one of these this weekend.

*On a side-note: I plan on watching Dr. Zhivago today...for the first time. I have read the book, and I believe it is like a Russian Gone With the Wind...so good.

FB-Free...is the way to be!

It's official. I have been Facebook-free for almost a week. What? Why? How?

Reasons:

1. I need a break.

2. I get tired of people's stupidity. Okay...this might be mean. But I just do not care about every single thing you have done that day. And I do not care or want to hear about your ridiculous opinions about x y or z.

3. People say things on FB that they will not say in real life. To me, this is not genuine. And I do not enjoy it. At all.

4. I hate to be addicted to anything. And I feel like I was becoming borderline FB addicted. Therefore, I am removing myself from the problem.

Four good reasons. I like them. I think they make sense. Now, this isn't a forever thing. I am shooting for a month or so, depending on a variety of factors. But I can say that I deactivated my account on late Monday night, and so far I have not seriously missed it. Which is a good sign. I'll be back. Eventually.

Beet Juice

This is a funny story about beets. And how they make my hair shine. And bring a little tear to my eye.

Last week I went to Little Rock, Arkansas for spring break. I lived there for two years while in the Americorps, and I have a lot of friends that are still there. So I decided that Little Rock would be my spring break destination of choice. While in Little Rock, I stayed with a good friend and had the luxury of using her shampoo and conditioner. This shampoo and conditioner was made out of grapefruit and sugar beets. And it made my hair really shiny and pretty. And it has not a lick of icky stuff, such as parabens, phthalates, sulfates, etc. 

The best part about it was that it is made out of sugar beets! Which is probably not the same thing as a regular beet, which is partly what this story is about. Using this product made of beets reminded me of my grandma. Gram, as I often called her, died four years and 2 months ago.   

About five years ago, Gram was diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer. She was 58. The cancer, being stage four, was inoperable, but she chose to become involved in a clinical research study. She went through two rounds of chemotherapy, but the result was more growth, not less. Basically, there was nothing the doctors could really do, so they sent her home to die. 

As a last resort, she went to a homeopathic doctor, who put her on an entirely all-natural diet. She was instructed to buy a juicer, using only organic fruits and vegetables. 

So how is this about beets? I am getting there!

During the last few months of her life, she was supposed to drink juice several times a day. And the juice was supposed to have beets in it. Unfortunately, she hated beets! I was usually around on the weekends, driving back and forth in between school, work, and winter break. By this time, she was often on strong pain medication that sometimes made her slightly loopy and confused. BUT...she ALWAYS knew when beets were in her juice. The juice-maker for the day was instructed, often by my aunt, to at least sneak a sliver of beet in her juice. But no matter how small the sliver, Gram could always tell. I drank so many rejected beet juice drinks, that now I love beets. Not the canned ones, but whole, fresh beets. I asked her once why she hated beets. I believe it had something to do with being forced to eat them often as a child. 

This might seem like a sad story. But in my opinion, it is a happy one. Even during the saddest of times, my memory clings to the moments that made me smile, and for that I am grateful.

Nostalgic...

This picture is from my City Year days, back when I was a Corps Member in Little Rock, AR. 

I served in City Year (an Americorps program) for two years. 

Some days, I really miss it. Especially the kids.

I'm sure at some point I'll write a full-length blog on City Year and how it affected me. For right now, this picture is worth a thousand words...

Rocky Racoon...

Or Julius the Watch-Cat fails miserably at his job.

Let's set the scene. 1:30 am. Asleep. Dark room. Streetlight through window.

I am suddenly awakened by weird noises. I look up, and notice something on my window ledge. At first, I think it's Julius...how did he get outside? Then I realize that this creature is MUCH too large to be Julius. NO...it's a raccoon. Chillin' on my window ledge like she/he belongs there. *Note that I live on the 3rd floor. I thought I was safe from creatures up here. Apparently not.* And where is Julius the whole time?? Sitting all the way across the room on his favorite chair, like everything is normal. NOT being the Watch-Cat that I have assigned him to be.

So I took matters into my own hands. I knocked on my window to attempt to scare the raccoon away. It kind of worked. He moved on. Probably to my fire escape. Or maybe my neighbor's side of the roof.

Then Julius decided to be macho after the fact and sit guard on the heater next to the window.

And than I had nightmares for the rest of the night. Because apparently raccoons outside my window at 1:30 am have that affect on me.

Gaining Perspective...

It is the times in my life when I am stressed out, due to school, work, finances, or family, that I start to lose perspective. First, I lose sleep. And then, the headaches begin. And they turn into migraines. (Kind of like the one I have had since Tuesday night) And next, my gratitude for other people and myself goes. Which is never a good thing. I do not do this on purpose, it is a fact of my life that certain situations trigger anxiety, telling me that it is time to take a step back and think.

Who do I turn to? Often friends, sometimes family. Maybe the better question is What? Because there is this little book that I have read over and over again that never fails to help me gain perspective. 

When my grandmother was dying, I read this book to her. 

When my cousin died, I put an excerpt of it in his eulogy.

This book has helped me time and time again through some of the hardest situations in my life. 

Here is one of my favorite passages:

"Is not religion all deeds and all reflection,

And that which is neither deed nor reflection, 

but a wonder and a surprise ever springing in the soul,

even while the hands hew the stone or tend the loom?

Who can separate his faith from his actions,

or his belief from his occupations?

...

Your daily life is your temple and your religion.

Whenever you enter into it take with you your all."

~excerpt from The Prophet, by Kahlil Gibran

CookieCookie...

My Healthy So Delicious Banana Chocolate Chip Cookies. 

Yes, I baked today. 

I like to bake. 

It can be fun. 

They are soft and delicious. And so good. And not as awful for you as most cookies. 

Recipe: 

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

1 cup whole wheat flour

1 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon baking soda

1 cup granulated sugar

1/2 cup brown sugar

1/2 cup margarine, softened

1 egg

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 cup mashed bananas (roughly 2 very ripe bananas)

1 cup semisweet chocolate chips

1/4 cup walnuts

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Grease cookie sheets.

Mix flour, salt, baking powder and baking soda together. Set aside.

Mix the margarine with the sugar until saturated. Beat in eggs and vanilla, followed by the mashed bananas. 

Add the mixture of flour and stir until combined. Mix in chocolate chips and walnuts.

Drop spoonfuls onto the greased cookie sheets.

Bake until lightly brown around the edges. (I don't actually time anything. You should be able to tell by looking.)

Makes 3 dozen. 

Enjoy!

Beaches

I am over being cold. And 10 degree weather. And a foot of snow everywhere I look.

I would like to be on a beach right now.

Badly. And sadly, I have not seen the ocean in four years. FOUR YEARS. That is 3 and half years too many.

These are the places with beaches that I would not mind residing in at the present time.

1. Grenada
2. Bali
3. Tahiti
4. Greece
 5. Fiji

Really, any of these places will do.

As long as I am warm, on the beach, with a margarita and a good book.

That's all this girl needs.

Dog Watcher...

About a month ago, I dog-sat for a friend of mine while she was off vacationing in Florida. (jealous)

She is such a cute pug. In an I'm-so-ugly-I'm-cute-way. (don't tell her owner I said that)

I renamed her ET. And I wrote a haiku. Just for her. 

Her name is ET

She always listens to me

Not like Julius

Okay, so maybe I shouldn't write haiku's. It's obviously not my forte. 

By the end of the week, Julius decided to be my friend again. He even decided to share the couch with ET. 

Cute

Snowed In...

I'm still waiting to be snowed in. Where is this giant blizzard that is supposed to be attacking central Illinois as we speak?

On the upside, school is cancelled due to the inclement weather. And I'm off work.

My plans for the snow day include (in no particular order):

1. paint my toenails
2. clean my apartment (Not)
3. watch a lot of movies
4. do the dishes (Not)
5. take naps
6. do my homework (Not)
7. read a book

I shall revel in my laziness.

I Miss This Kid

Yesterday, you would have been 23. Tomorrow is the 2 year anniversary of your death.

I still miss you.

You were my brother-cousin.

You were the little boy that used to call my Beffy.

You were easy-going. You were always happy.

You never had a bad thing to say about anyone.

I was the last person in our family to see you alive. I told you to be safe when you left my apartment.

I wish those words would have been stronger. I wish they would have changed the outcome. I'm sorry they did not. 

I will always miss you.

"i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) i am never without it..." - ee cummings

Visit www.johnmichaeldilday.com or visit his Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/pages/John-Michael-Dilday/181877425175126?v=wall to learn more about his life and death. Thank you.

On My Soapbox...

That's right folks. Here it is. My newest rant. You can agree. You can disagree. I like to debate. And didn't someone once say that dissent is the highest form of patriotism? I should look that person up.

If you have been paying attention to Facebook statuses, you may have noticed this annoying little post:

"Kentucky just passed the best law ever. To be on food stamps, Medicaid, or Cash Assistance for your Children or yourself You have to pass a DRUG Test. Now every other state should do the same. If you agree re-post. People that work have to take a drug test so should they. Amen....repost if you agree"

I will give you a list of why this is absolutely ridiculous.


1. These reposted statuses drive me nuts. And they are usually wrong. Like this one. Because I looked this up. It is a bill in the Kentucky House of Reps (which according to their calendar found here: http://www.lrc.ky.gov/sch_vist/11RS_calendar.pdf, they have a break right now) titled HB 208. I have looked this up, and I cannot find any evidence that HB 208 has been passed into law. It is not in KY newspapers, and I cannot find it on this KY government site containing all of their laws: http://www.lrc.ky.gov/law.htm. I did however, find it here, as a bill: http://www.lrc.ky.gov/record/11rs/HB208.htm. Being a bill, it has not been passed into law yet. If you do not know the difference between a bill and a law, then I suggest you look it up. Or watch the Schoolhouse Rock episode about Bills and Laws. Because it's simple. Even children understand the difference.


2. HB 208 states that they would like to create a substance abuse screening program for recipients of public assistance, food stamps, and state medical assistance. Let me just say, drug testing is expensive. And testing EVERYONE receiving assistance would cost A LOT of money. Even if it were random, that would still be A LOT of money, that, in my opinion, would be better spent in the education system.


3. And now, this is where I get incensed. Why would it EVER be a good idea to punish CHILDREN for their parent's mistakes. And this is also where it gets personal. Being the daughter of a drug addict, I can tell you that addicts will almost always choose their addiction over their children. My father did it time and time again, throughout my life and my half-brother's life.


4. For two years, I worked in low-income schools in Little Rock, AR, and I saw kid's come to school hungry, because they did not always get meals the night before or breakfast before school. Let me pose a question. Is it easy to focus when you are hungry? Especially a 6 year old? NO. It is not. Most of the students I saw did get free or reduced lunches, but that does not mean they got to eat a substantial dinner. So folks, let's take away possibly the only way a kid can get food for dinner and on the weekends, and let them starve. Because kids have no rights. Maybe their parents should not be drug addicts. Let's just say that. HOW IS THIS OKAY?

5. And now, possibly my favorite part. How is this not discrimination of the poor? Contrary to this ridiculous FB post, most people I know do not have to get drug tested in the workplace. Some, but not all. For most workplaces, it is either random testing, or testing based on suspected drug use. And honestly, I know A LOT of working/middle class folks who use the occasional recreational drug. OHHHH, but they are okay, because they are contributing members of society. 

6. This bill was penned by Lonnie Rapier (R-Lancaster). If you do not know what that R means in the parentheses, it stands for Republican. Now, I would just like to say that I do not belong to a political party. I almost always vote for candidates. That being said, the candidates I choose are usually Democrats or Green Party. Yes folks, I am what Republicans would call a BLEEDING HEART LIBERAL. And I like it. If you agree with this bill, if you are a Republican, I hope I have not offended you. Like someone once said, "dissent is the highest form of patriotism." I would challenge anyone who agrees with this bill to spend ONE WEEK volunteering in a low income school, preferably in a city, of your choice. And then tell me that you cannot see how a bill like this would affect kids who already have little or no rights, kids that are written off because they are poor or Black or Hispanic, or they are behind in school because they CANNOT FOCUS, due to hunger or learning disabilities, THAT THEIR PARENTS CANNOT AFFORD TO TREAT. After you do this, let me know how you feel then. I would love to hear about your experiences. 

OH WAIT...you don't have time? you could not possibly do that? you are secretly afraid to go to those neighborhoods? THEN STOP PUTTING YOUR IGNORANT POSTS ON FB. You obviously do not know enough about the issue to talk about it. 

I can only hope that Kentucky has enough sense NOT to pass this into law.

Until next time...

Budget Queen

Yep, that's me...the Budget Queen. I'm basically always on a budget, being the poor college student that I am. But, contrary to popular belief, I do not under any circumstances enjoy living off ramen noodles and mac and cheese. This week, I did particularly well with my grocery buying skillz.

The list:
bag of navel oranges: 1.49
bananas: .85
eggs: 1.19
can of tuna: 1.09
apple juice: .92
mushrooms: 1.49
black beans: .55
kidney beans: .55
chili beans: .55
diced tomatoes: .63
bell pepper: .98
onion: .28
jalapeno: .01
chili season mix: .33

Total: 10.36 + tax

And this not only gets me two pieces of fruit a day, it also makes vegetarian chili, which will feed me for the majority of the week.

Oh ya, if you want to know where I get all these low prices...Aldi. Yep, that's right. I'm not ashamed! I love that place.

Back to Reality...

My little hiatus was officially over this morning around 7:40am, as I made my way to my *sigh* 8am class. My winter break was lovely, very restful, although I basically got nothing done that I wanted to, besides work at the library and rearrange my bedroom. And now, I am back to the swing of things. My schedule is packed this semester...I think I have 16 or 17 credit hours, which mostly just makes my head hurt. The upside is I will be one step closer to completing that elusive Bachelors degree that has been 6 or so years in the making.

Some winter break highlights (because I know you're interested):

-Went home twice, once for a friend's graduation, once for Christmas.
-Almost successfully watched EVERY episode of Veronica Mars. (Hey, it was actually a good show!)
-Dog-sat a pug for a week, which I renamed ET, much to the owner's chagrin. Let's just say, Julius was not my friend, but we've made up.
-Finished Under the Dome, one of Stephen King's massive 1,000+ pagers. It was pretty good.

And that's it. I'm officially ready for this semester.

Bring it on.